POSTS
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
just finish doing my csas journal again. having to write those hypocritical stuffs again. argh nvm forget it. dun wanna say abt it anymore. fuck it
yes i am, complaining again abt everything under the sun. school, studies, people, money, everything.
zzzz
term test is coming next week. and fuck it i am still online blogging and wasting my time away rather than spending time on my studies. anyway i hav already prepared myself for fail in every subject. yes i am gonna fail all. i mean ALL alright? zzz. how am i suppose to pass when i can only do 1 out of 4 qns in my tutorial.
FUCK STUDIES UPSIDE DOWN CAN NABEI CHEE BYE
fuck
i am suppose to be in sch having lecture now. but here i am at home slacking and complaining. i dun wanna carry on my life in this way. i wanna be one of those hardworking fuckers who does nothing but study all day and all the time. i wanna be one of those who carry books around and read them wherever i go.
possible?
i dun think so. fuck the useless me.
accidentally came upon a song today. and the lyrics goes.. 'so sad..so sad..' yes. so sad. so sad that my life's in a mess. just like a room with paper,clothes over the place. everything is in a mess. nobody's coming to help me to clean up the room. everyone just walking past the room and giving those 'eeek' face when they saw how messy the room is. and pretending they did not see anything and walked on. leaving only me to clear up the mess i created.
i am at a loss at how to clear up. dun noe where and how to start. dun even noe why the fuck its so messy in the 1st place. i am just on the verge of giving up. dun wanna clear up anymore. so wat if the room gets messier. so be it. cant be bothered to clear up or even clean a little. so wat if 1 day the room goes beyond hope. just set the room on fire and everything's gone. no more worries after that.
zzzz
given up on struggling. i am just gonna let myself rot.
go die.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
gonna go to sch soon. suddenly feel like saying something.
term test is coming next week. zZZZz. and i haven even started revising anything. haiz. i guess i hav to do the same thing as i was in sec sch - last minute work. dun even hav 0.0001% feeling of studying tis few days. practically slacking tis few days off. dun feel like doing anything. i only wanna slack till i die, possible?haiz
going for lab later. haiz studying suddenly feel like a stranger to me. i dun wanna study it, i dun wanna understand it. i dun wanna hav anything to do with the studying. but its impossible.
from the day i am born i am destined to face studying. till the day i die maybe. studying nv suk so much till now. fuck
go die.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Sunday, June 26, 2005
went to work again yesterday. doing the same thing again and again. zzzz.
something happened during work, dun wanna tok abt it but it just suk ok. zzz. and fuck it spoil my mood for the rest of day.
slept at 5am++ ytd. zzz. went to bed at 3am but cant get to slp. haiz. went through some consideration and realize that i am such an idiot. doing all those stupid things just for 1 person. mayb i should start giving up.
seems easy to say give up ah?dun noe if i can do it. but dun wanna tink too much over it. i am at a loss at wat to do. can some1 tell me the path to end of suffering?had enough of suffering everytime. being a coward and keeping everything to myself. mayb things would not b like that now if i had not been such a coward. FUCK LAH
heard from my mum a few days ago that my uncle jumped down a building. got so shocked by the news. is life so fragile?just 1 simple jumping action and u die the next moment. haiz. wonder if i will follow in his footstep. zzz
dun wanna blog liao bye
go die.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
weee~
i am feeling so happy now! y? let me tell u. i got full marks for my quiz. WAHAHAHAHA~~~
its the GOD DAMN IT FUCKING FIRST TIME I GOT IT OK??
opps..too worked up. lol. really happy when i saw the results. although its just a mere 2% in my overall marks, but its better than nothing rite?lol. full marks. SONG
anyway, just finish 2 of my learning journals. omg simply a waste of time writing some hypocritical things which i will nv do. wat to do. i just hav to do it. for marks. zzzz
1 sad news i receive today, my CSAS teacher is going to leave tp. haiz so sad. i am gonna miss him. he was such a nice teacher, allowing us to eat, slp, tok, listen to mp3, leave the class anytime we like, etc. mr richard i am gonna miss u. good luck for ur phd.
wonder how the new teacher would be like?mayb she's gonna b fierce and strict making me hate her to the core. or the same as mr richard?haiz everything will b out next wk. good luck to me.
1 more wk to term test. zzz. getting more and more nervous as the days goes by. i dun wanna fail any of my subjects, and it means i hav to work doubly hard. hope that i can do it. lol
nothing to write. stopping here. bye
go die.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
opps..i am back to post again.
and there wun be any sad stuffs anymore. at least not for tis post. lol
oh man i am so tired these few days. waking up early in the morning only to go to sch to feel tired and restless. but i hav made up my mind to study hard for the term test. and i will. i hope so LOL
well my test results were not bad, but not satisfying especially my MEB. ZZZ. i tink i will fail very badly for my MEB. dun even understand a shit abt wat the lecturer is toking sometimes. haiz i need help b4 i go completely lost in the subject.
had a quiz today. dun wanna say abt it anymore, just hope that i can get at least 1 or 2 marks. thats all i hope, pls grant me my wish - 2marks?lol. anyway i swear i am going to work hard for tis subject and prove to that china ass who chase me out of class that i can get high marks. i swear.
and of all times, the blackboard hav to malfunction now?! so rare that i hav the mood to study but yet i could not get any online notes. does tis means i am not suppose to study at all? =X
gonna try later again. not giving up till i see the answers to the tutorial. lol.
every1 in my class seems so hardworking. studying everywhere they go, anywhere, anytime. some may seem to slack in sch but they actually bury their heads in books at home. may sound very harsh or bastard, but thats the truth.
for me, slacking in sch and home. no studying or revising at all. guess theres no way i am going to catch up wif the pace they are going. studying just suk. zzz
stopping here..ciao
go die.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
past 2 days was just work and work. tiring but dun wanna complain too much. well cos of money. zzz.
i feel so helpless. is there really nothing i can do to salvage the situation. zzz. wtf am i saying?ok nvm. fuck myself.
b4 i came to blog i thought of everything to blog abt. but when i started to blog i realised nothing could come out of my fingers. mayb i am not good at expressing. yes i am. i suk at expressing myself.
whenever i see my blog i am reminded of all my troubles. really hope that i could blog everything out. and i mean EVERYTHING. but i cant. i dun dare to, and yes say me a coward. i admit.
seems like every1 has some1 who they can confide and say their darkest secret and worries to. when am i going to meet mine. can i hav her now?i am sick of keeping everything to myself. all my troubles adding up more and more. 1 day i am going to go into serious depression and nv going to recover again.
feel so terrible inside me. my mind is in a mess. my heart's being stabbed by thousands and thousands of knifes. almost waiting to bleed myself to death. i need a doctor to heal me. to heal my internal injuries. i am dying from bleeding. pls doctor i need u.
life suk
zzz
anyway sat and sun was just crap. working the whole day through and having to bear wif some fucked up and stupid nonsense and temper.
and seeing her brightens up my day. thx alot for coming to see me.
i miss you
=X
ending here. bye
go die.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
hmmm..dun noe wat to blog abt actually. but had lots of time to kill so might as well blog.
anyway tml is my 1st day of work since sch reopen. just hope i wun get any scoldings from any1 lol.
my eyes are so heavy now. felt like it was going to close any second, but dun feel like slping yet. haiz. my mind is starting to whirl again. i dun wanna feel depress anymore. zzz.
shall stop here. carrying on blogging just makes me more depress.bye
go die.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
ok i am feeling depressed again. zzz. i was playing game so happily when tis cloud of depression suddenly came over me. well i started scolding every1 in the game.
well i noe tis guy whos a big fucker. he posts his shit and anything he could tink of in his blog without considering anything. he keeps complaining abt his life which he thought was just crap through and through. familiar?
yes thats me. and yes i admit i am a fucker in and out. i dun consider feelings of any1 reading my blog. i am a bastard at times, bullying ppl and scolding them. watever u say i've got it and i admit everything. thats me.
i dun spare a thought for every1 around me. just like to do everything my way my style. and cos of that i noe that i've offended and neglect alot of ppl and important things around me. i admit everything. thats me again.
and pls to ppl out there reading tis - i am writing tis not bcos i want ur sympathy or anything. pls dun get my meaning wrong.
i noe i've attitude problem, i am rude, proud, ignorant, i accept all critisms. and i dun blame any1 who say that to me, cos its from the bottom of ur heart and i noe it. fuck and scold me for all u like. i deserve that.
how i wish i could cry my hearts out and loud. i am having a hard time with myself. acting strong and cheerful in front of others when i am feeling so lonely inside. how i wish there was some1 who i can pour all my troubles to. how i wish i could throw away every single problem and troubles now. but its all wishes.
can i go to the 20th floor and just jump down?
and if i do that wats going to happen to my parents?how could i even tink of leaving them behind. fuck me. i am so useless.
so many troubles in my heart. how i wish i could vomit everything out and start life afresh. i cant. its all wishes again.
and i am restricting myself again. i dun wanna scold unnecessary vulgarities. having such a hard time controlling myself again and again. just wish that i can vent my anger on something.
i hate myself
zzzz
go die.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
-sick-
zzzz
well today was just crap through. felt so tired and sickly throughout the whole day. zzz. when will i recover?being sick just suk alright.
anyway made a major decision today, that is i am going to start work again. obviously during the weekends ok. y?cos of the magic word 'money' again. zzz. i am just running short of money slowly and if i dun start exercising my bone, i can might as well prepare to starve. lol.
wonder if i will b drained of my energy if i study and work at the same time. but i hav no choice. money makes the world go round. same for me, money makes me go round. lol.
and i seriously need to study nowadays. and i mean it. i NEED to study. y?well very simple, i had 2.5/10 for my maths quiz.*clap clap* understand?and i hav another quiz today. tis time is 30marks, and i hope that i can get 25 and above. if not i can jolly well jump down a building.
so many kinds of worries nowadays. homework, money, results, sleep, etc. going bonkers over these stuffs.
solution for money:
going to start work soon, which means there is a source of income, which can at least help me a little.
other stuffs?well....
shall not tok abt it for now. headache. zzz
and i guess i should stop being a mr. nice and get my money back from ppl. lol. sound like an asshole?dun blame me. thats the last thing i would ever do, and i hav to do it now. is this called 'at-wits-end'?
zzzz
go die.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Saturday, June 11, 2005
something to say to whoever got read my blog.
the tagboard had been changed so dun worry its not an error or watsoever. lol
got some time to kill so decided to change my tagboard cos dun really like it. lol. anyway nothing more to say. byebye
go die.
oh man i am wondering wats happening to me. zzz.
slping just nv seem enough for me. slept for almost 15hrs today, but still so tired and restless. my eyelids feel like it would close anytime. can i just close my eyes and nv to wake up again?i dun wanna wake up anymore. just let me slp forever. zzz
suddenly realise that my post hav turn so depressed nowadays. dun ask me y. i can only say its wat i feel and think.
looks like there is nothing more else in tis world that can make me happy. or even get a true smile from my heart. everything look so real yet so fake to me. people. places. anything. so real yet so fake. (not saying people are hypocites pls dun get my meaning wrong)
my heart feel so empty, so lonely...
fuck
go die.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
today ah?my most tiring day of the month. zzz. lucky the make-up lesson was cancelled, or else i would b dying in my bed now. lol
anyway, same thing..got up went to school and i practically slept for 1 hr during the meb lecture which was 2 hrs. couldnt blame me for that cos i was really too tired. zzz. and i noticed many ppl slept like pig too, so it doesnt really matter huh?lol
i just tink that i am going to fail my term test terribly. oh god wat am i suppose to do?can some1 help me wif my life?so sick of my life, so tired of my life, so damn fucking fed up wif my life. is life just like that?everyday is just suffering and troubles. i need help in my life badly. zzzz
when i was in sec sch, i heard life in poly was relaxing and free. whoever said that, let me tell u, u are that god damn fucking wrong ok. life in poly just suk, and its even worse than sec sch. compulsory tutorials to attend, lab lessons to attend, and most fucked up of them all are the stupid lectures. zzz. although its seems to b the best among the 3, its sux the most too. cos the environment is just too nice to slp.
always seem that other ppl are more fortunate than u. and yes it applies to me. my life suk. fucked up life. god or buddha or watever if u really exist can u gif me a helping hand?i am not greedy just help me wif my life. nothing else i need. zzz
go die.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Thursday, June 09, 2005
suddenly find it a chore to update my blog, dun noe y but just feel like it..
anyway..got something to say..
FUCK MY CLASS REP OKzzzz
how stupid can a human get?8hrs of lesson is more than enough for 1 day. and my stupid class rep added 2 more hrs of extra lesson after that. how fuck and stupid can he be?
zzzz
forget it dun wanna say abt it anymore. and thx to his stupidity i hav to stay in sch for 12hrs only to hav 2hrs of break. 2 words to him : FUCK YOU
anyway today sch was just sian again. felt like slping throughout the day. but didnt wanna miss anything and disappoint my mum..
and i tink i hav to work harder. all bcos of the 2 quiz i had tis week. i tink i couldnt even fucking pass the quiz. zzz. wat am i going to do?can some1 help me to cure my lazyness?i need somebody to motivate me in my studies, i need somebody to help me wif my studies, i need somebody to change me. can some1 b my somebody?
anyway went to our favourite hunt after sch - pavilion. lol. went to hav dinner and took a cab home wif sebas. wahaha didnt hav to pay. sebas thx alot next time i will repay u =X
shall end here then..
tml will b a better day?no its crap zzz
go die.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
well well guys i am back~
haven been blogging cos nothing much to blog, anyway here goes..
past few days had been a torture to me, going to sch early in the morning and end in the evening zzz.
haiz i am so worried abt my studies especially my engineering maths..how am i going to pass given my lazyness now?no revision no nothing at all..only time where i hav revision is during my lectures and the worst thing is i always feel like slping in lectures zzzz. is there something which can cure my lazyness?such like a pill or something?lol
life just suk ok. no motivation from anything to improve my life..seem like every1's life is full of colours where mine is just black and white. i hate the life i am going through. is there anyway to end it?
went to tamp today for just a mere 30mins and i wasted 1hr on my journey back and forth. and i spent around 2 bucks just on the fare. bus fare really so high nowadays and its increasing again and again. y?cos of the magic word 'money'.
and mentioning the word just makes my head spin. seem like i am always in short of money. everyday is just spend with no earn. oh god can u spare me more money?i need it terribly zzz
guess i am stopping here. nothing to blog abt anymore. bye guys
jhgkfghglslgfgf
go die.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
well finally i had the time to sit down peacefully and blog..been quite busy for the past 1 day..FINALLY i can blog peacefully..
seemed like life is full of troubles and stress..so life is just troubles and stress?nothing else?tinking abt how i spent my life since i was a child..guess i've wasted my precious years and life to studies..
have u ever tink abt it?from the very young age of 4 or 5 u hav to start studying, and slowly go from nursery to pri sch to sec sch to poly/jc to univerity or watever..the stress u get in life nv seem to stop but in fact its increasing everyday..is life just stress and troubles?theres no end to worry or troubles in life..
yes there are times where we are are happy, satisfied..but do u ever tink how often we are happy?and how often we feel stress or troubled?
anyway, didnt noe y i am posting such things again..
its 3pm now, lesson ended at 1pm..wahaha..now then i realise the advantage of being in poly, at least u hav more time for urself..and lesson dun really hav to end on time..blah blah blah..
there will b 5 hrs of lectures tml..just really hope that i can survive through tis ordeal..haiz..poly still suk a little anyway LOL
laming again..
stopping here then..ciaoZ
go die.
