-

2008-03-17T02:36:00.003+08:00

dear, decided to jot something here because i feel that's more privacy here than my blog.

sorry for being unreasonable, always making a fuss esp when u worked for very long hours. in fact, everytime i want to express my deepest concern to u, it'll end up with those shitty attitude of mine.

do u really think that im tat unreasonable?
do u really think that im angry?

sometimes, i'll make a passing comment serious. i dunno why i did that to make myself angry. i trust you and yet i act as if i dun. and everytime i forgive you, i still act as if i dun.

those tears was there for a reason. im angry with myself why am i so stupid to always find fault with u whereby the problem lies with me. i couldnt understand why i did all those stupid things, i think probably i want more attention from u other than ur work. maybe u'll fork out some of ur time to talk to me and ensure that im no longer unhappy.

hope that this 12 hr shift of work everyday will end soon. i miss waiting for u to end work, talk on the phone and head to bed. it probably wont happen if i ever find a job.

i hope u'll always remember that i love you and i didnt meant to hurt u. our road is always full of obstacles and we had been through all tat together. i'll nv let u go, will u?

2008-02-19T18:43:00.002+08:00

haiz

a happy day turned out otherwise.

it seems like my fault,
yeah well my fault.

maybe you can try putting yourself in my shoes,
maybe you'll know how i feel.

you said you didnt give me attitude,
that was after you kept quiet.
what about before that?

of course today's important to me.
it always is.
yet,
this thing had to happen.

i know i'm a failure.
you ask me where to go and i said dont know and u go disappointed.

everytime its i dont understand you COS YOU DIDNT TELL ME ANYTHING.

i hate to guess.
its tiring.

why dont you put yourself in my shoe for 1 day,
maybe you'll understand more about me.

haiz sorry.

2007-11-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just feel that i am nothing to u,
u can treat me like shit.

thanks.

yet i cant say anything about it.

2007-11-11T11:51:00.000+08:00

everything will be over

our love isnt so vulnerable

and can overcome whatever hurdle that may come along

2007-11-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i think that it's not me that do not love u as much anymore.
because u no longer make the effort to meet me or send me home like wat u did last time.
sometimes, i feel that im no longer important and u no longer cherish and appreciate me.
messages are like so minimum nowadays.
and it's this difference that's killing me.

but i always seems to be unreasonable or not understanding.
this time round.
i decided to swallow it.
maybe u will do something abt it.
maybe u will think tat im unreasonable again.

why worry if u really treasure me.
i hate heartbreaks.
i love u alot.
pls dun take my love for u for granted.

im not angry.
i dun want to wash my face with tears.

2007-11-08T07:05:00.000+08:00

7am in the morning.

would you believe i had a sleepless night?

it doesnt feels good to slp every 15mins only to wake up in fright.
the fact that u could probably leave me one day is killing me.

i love you so much.
i'm willing to do anything for u.
ANYTHING.
my request isnt big,
i just hope u'll be more understanding though u've already gone beyond your understanding limits.

disappointment again and again.
all cos of me.
would you leave me one day?

'promises are meant to be broken'

i dont want this sentence to happen to me.

i told u many times,
what should i do to show how much i love u?
u said nvm.
but do u really know how much u matter to me?
u dont know.

u know,
1 mistake made can and would destroy all the past happiness.
people only remember the faults.
good things can be easily overwrote and deleted.

it sucks to make mistake.
2-3days of stranger-treatment.
it doesnt feel good.

i know i'm overboard sometimes.
but quarrels will nv happen,
if you could put urself in my shoe.
maybe u already did,
maybe u cant stand it,
or maybe i'm not the guy for u afterall.
it breaks my heart to see u unhappy.
your love can cheer me up in any situation,
yet thats the least thing i'm getting whenever i need it the most.

i'm so afraid of losing you,
i'm useless,
sorry.

exhaustion's slowing creeping into my head.
yet getting to slp is so hard.

pls dont ever treat me like a stranger anymore,
u dont like it when i do the same thing.
it is so difficult to be harsh to u,
but yet it seems so easy for u to be harsh on me.
maybe u dont love me as much anymore.
or maybe,
i'm no longer the one u once treasure.

the deeper a commitment,
the more hurtful it is when things happen.
the more the devotion,
the more disappointment u get.

i cant stop commitment now.
its impossible.
i love u too much.

love u so much,
so you know?
how important u're to me,
so you know?
u hurt me so deeply,
so you know?
u broke my heart once and once again,
do you know?
just cant feel your love sometimes,
so you know?

you wouldnt believe what i said above,
cos i've made u lose trust in me.

guys do need consoling and comforting.
there are points of time where they wanna be concerned for and care for.
there are points of time where guys are weak,
this is when they need their the one they love most to support them.

i cant lose u,
sorry.
i broke your heart again.

2007-10-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

我还是那么的爱你，但心最近好痛。
你可以谅解我的蛮不讲理吗？

对不起

希望这一切不会在发生。

对你而言，可能不重要。
但对我，好重要。

你对我很重要。
知道吗?

不想再掉眼泪了

2007-10-30T19:09:00.000+08:00

same mistake again.

i dont know what to do or say anything anymore,
nor will it makes a difference to u,
at least for now.

online yet no guts to online.
how am i supposed to face u.

sorry.
pls hate me.

if this is the end,
pls hate me.
you'd enough of me.
sorry.

2007-10-19T01:54:00.000+08:00

love u silly.

2007-10-11T00:47:00.000+08:00

dear moon,

i wish that laogong tiredness will be gone soon and that laogong will be a happy pigpig.

yours sincerely,

laopo

laogong and laopo forever will be together de

2007-10-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

当我在想你的时候你是否也在想我

im missing u so much. and when u are not around, pigpig aka u =) accompanied me.

i shall go boots feeding later and make sure u becomes the fastest pigpig okies.

cant wait for u to end work, reach home and talk to me.

miss u badly.

awaiting thursday =)

2007-09-24T21:01:00.000+08:00

好想你...

2007-08-08T20:26:00.000+08:00

may the ring symbolizes our love, a love with no ending.
lao gong, i love u so much.
<333

2007-07-31T21:16:00.000+08:00

at the end of each day.
be it good or bad.
i still love u as much.

never did i doubt ur love for me before.
i appreciate every little things u did for me.

i place my trust in u.
knowing that my brain cells will generate negative thoughts in me.
but still i believe u.
believe that u wont let me down.

sorry that i hurt the both of us.
but our love will nv change.

forever love my precious <33

2007-07-30T08:46:00.000+08:00

sorry dear.

<3333

2007-07-03T21:31:00.000+08:00

i didnt know it matters so much to u.
seriously i didnt know.
nor did i know that your response will be so big.

i neglected your feelings,
all i wanted to do at that moment,
was to read.
so that i could know your past.

yeah i admit,
i'm disappointed.
but between disappointment and worried-ness for you,
i guess disappointment no longer mean anything.
your happiness matters most.
everything else can wait.
sorry,
i just wanted to know everything about you.

the only reason why i neglected your feelings,
was cos,
it was the one and only chance i've got,
to get 1 more key,
or maybe 2,
or even 3 keys.

i made a wrong move,
and i've lost the keys forever.
i guess the chance will nv come again.
u told me u didnt give me key again,
and yes u didnt.
but,
i'll love u forever with 5 keys.

forever =)

2007-06-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a day i'll remember for the rest of my life.

thanks for the surprise.
yeah i'm at a loss for words.

thanks.

i love u!

2007-06-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

my dearest birthday in around 1 hr time.

in order to be the first to wish him, i shall blog here first.

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY

although tmr might be another tiring day going for attachment again, but still must enjoy your day to the fullest.

i love u always <33

2007-06-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

trust - a person on whom or thing on which one relies. (from http://www.dictionary.com/)

trust,
a word so simple to say,
yet so hard to execute.
for some people i mean,
definitely not me.

yesterday is just like a repetition of last time.
i made u angry,
i made u sad,
and yet u still waited the whole night for me.
or maybe u just couldnt get to slp.
or did u really waited for me?

yes,
its a repetition of last time.
again u kept quiet,
its just me asking questions and u keeping quiet.
its just simple questions,
yes or no,
is it really that hard to answer?

do i look like a 3year old kiddo?

sighs

its hard to trust people,
everyone have people whom they trust and whom they dont.
but,
dont i deserve your trust?

maybe,
its not about trust.

i'm trying to change,
so that i'll not irritate u,
yet,
i've reached the limit.
i cant go any further beyond than now.

i just dont understand,
i just dont,
is it just so hard to open your heart?
i'm stuck at the 6th key,
so helpless and clueless now.
what more can i do?

不知要等到何年何月,
才能进入你的世界和了解你的心,
我会慢慢地等待那天的到来,
直到永远.

我爱你,
我想亲你倔强到极限的心

2007-06-13T11:28:00.000+08:00

lalala.

<33333

my dear at tuas now =)

u will nv die. hugs.

2007-06-10T06:30:00.000+08:00

another key to the chest.

=)

yeah
somehow it hurts,
initially i mean.
somehow,
in one way or another,
the thought of it breaks my heart,
though everything belong to the past.

i wasnt mentally prepared,
been looking forward to the answer,
though i knew it long ago,
i just wanted to hear u say.
yet,
when u said it,
it hit me so hard.

sorry,
u dropped tears for me again.
never have i seen u like this,
i guess,
you yourself knows that u're so seldom like this.

it should nv had turn out this way,
absurd is the word to describe me.

anyway,

everything's fine now.
another step closer to reach for ur heart =)

<3333

a promise is a promise,
i said i will not think about it anymore,
and so,
i wouldnt.
the past doesnt matter anymore,
what matters is now, and the future.

2007-06-05T06:36:00.000+08:00

life's become so sweet with u around.

a long day's work,
all the aches,
all the tired-ness,

they just simply disappear.

reaching home after work,
to chat with u,
and,
to hear your voice,

have already been part of my life.

and it'll continue to be,
until forever.

i never knew,
love can be so satisfying.
u show me how love can change a person,
just like how it changed me.
u made me believe in forever,
and forever shall it be.

lao po,
i love u!

muacks!

2007-06-05T00:54:00.000+08:00

poor dear.

he has to work till 5 am today.
and he's very tired and just recovered from fever and flu.

no late nite chats today so darling.
don't stay online too late when u're home okies.

goodnight, my pigpig lao gong.

5 words as usual.
老公，我爱你。

2007-06-01T02:04:00.000+08:00

the love of my life <3

2007-06-01T02:01:00.000+08:00

u said 抱抱 to me for the 1st time.

dont know why.

i feel so so so happy =))

simply love u lots,
i'm your silly boy

<333

2007-06-01T01:43:00.000+08:00

my dear fell sick the day before and slp for 30 hrs straight.
wake up once only to eat.

and my dear nv bathe for 35 hrs straight.
-smelly-

but i still love you lots.

coz you are my one and only
and nv will be replaced.

lastly, get well soon.
my silly boy.

<3333333333333

2007-05-27T01:56:00.000+08:00

i'm aching physically and mentally.

physically cos of work.

today was a terrible day,
really terrible.
my shoulder aches so much.
damn.

mentally,

dont know.

it feels so weird.

saying doesnt matter would be lying to myself.

but,
well,

doesnt matter.

the only thing that matters,

is you're happy.

nothing else matters =)
thats including me.

selfishness
it's creeping into my mind.

damn.

2007-05-25T02:32:00.000+08:00

stupid mistake again.

i didnt prove to u what i said again,
that you're my priority
it was supposed to be a happy day
had been looking forward
yet
i spoilt the mood.
i made us unhappy for the whole day.

its the first time i've seen another side of you,
the angry you.

you can ignore me for 3hrs,
not even a word was spoken.
just wondering,
how could you do that.
its such an impossible task for me
i can never ever do it.

never ever in my life

dont know whether i should say this,
i hope you dont see this.
but,
i'm feeling
abit
weird.
its like u dont care about my feelings at all.
sorry if i've hurt you or accused you,
its just how i feel,
sometimes.
not everytime.

yeah i admit,
i'm never good at consoling,
thats why i'm so scared of making you angry.
yet,
time and time again,
i repeat the same mistake.
what you said is so right,
that,

it doesnt make a difference at all whether u say it or not.

i'm not blaming you
i find it so right,
so correct.

maybe,
maybe,
maybe,

i should just,
stop forcing answers out of you.
maybe i should just,
hide how i feel.
so that you wouldnt get pissed off.
so that i'm not so irritating.

i shouldnt demand so much from you,
maybe its time for me to change,
to accommodate you.
and not you be the one to accommodate me.

and i'm not taking out enough time for u,
again.
i hate work,
yet i have to.

my precious,
i still love you so much,
u still matter the most to me.
我不知道如何告诉你,
可是,
我真的真的好爱你.

我仍然相信永远,
因为,
永远代表着你和我.

2007-05-19T18:44:00.000+08:00

end of cptc training

no more early mornings and zombie days

at least for the coming 3 weeks.

wonder what i'll get for attachment
hope it'll be as good as yours

sorry i'm thinking too much again.
cant helped it at all

i'm proud of u
yet
i'm ashamed of myself

wonder if i'm a disgrace to u

===================

financial crisis now
need jobs.

anyone got lobang pls call me at 90261734.
urgent.

thx.

2007-04-29T02:01:00.000+08:00

a simple but sweet day

=))

everywhere is nice with you around

love ya so much

<3

2007-04-21T04:23:00.000+08:00

i miss u

<3

tml is the day.

happiness

2007-04-20T06:04:00.000+08:00

haven slept in like 25hrs.

5 more hours to go.

currently at raffles place working.

as security

sounds so weird lah.

thinking of my one and only darling throughout the whole night
u completed my life.
=)))

love my bao bei lotsssssssss.

hehe.

just me and u
forever
and
ever

<3

2007-04-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

sorry

i dont know what to do anymore

yes i know from the start

that

this will happen one day

but i didnt expect it to hit me so fast
i thought i could just ignore it
sorry i cant
i just cant accept it anymore

i hate it when u hang out with guys so often
seriously i hate it

always thought that it doesnt bother me
i dont wanna control your life
i dont want u to lose your friends
i'm just trying so hard to let u lead your normal life

but i just cant accept it.

its not your fault
the faults lies with my own thinking.

sorry.

2007-04-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

been in heaven for 2 days.

surrounded by happiness with u in my life.

<333

now
back to 5 days cptc

sianzzz

2007-04-12T18:05:00.000+08:00

finally the weekend is coming.

hehe.

so looking forward to meeting u =))

this 3 days have been like so long and tedious.
just seeing u alone is just not enough

1 more day~

<3333

2007-04-05T09:51:00.000+08:00

so glad its finally over.

will always love the one and only u =)

<3

2007-04-05T08:57:00.000+08:00

why must this happen.

i dont wanna tell u how much i did for u
there's no point.
i dont wanna act like a noble guy
where in fact i'm not
i'm just a useless guy

yes maybe i did cheer u up
but i make u sad again
i know your mood sux today.
yet i still could leave u alone
and to u
i'm 'enjoying my slacking'

tons and tons of worries filled my mind
wanted to call u
but what could i say
that i'm sorry?

saying that useless 5 letter word
i know its not going to help in anything

i'm afraid u would find me irritating

i dont even dare to chat with u in msn

fuck it

2007-04-04T17:06:00.000+08:00

i'm confused.

got bombarded with this kind of question the moment i wake up.
i dont want u to go,
seriously i dont.

1week seeing u 1 time beats not seeing u for 3 months.
i'm scared.

i dont wanna be selfish.

but i just dont want u to go

=(

thats the selfish me above.

now

its for your own good.
i will support u no matter what.

jia you!

2007-04-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

everything's my fault. i know

its like the past, i need to know what you're thinking.
sorry i broke my promise.
i didnt thought it'll turn out to be so difficult.
i'm trying my very best already
i just cant do it so easily

maybe what u feel is right
i might do that more often during cptc,
or even more.
sometimes i wished i had never started it at all,
then i wouldnt be trying so hard to quit it.

i'm so tired.
my eyelids are so damn heavy,
but i just cant slp.
too many things to worry and decide,

i'm useless

2007-04-02T20:44:00.000+08:00

i'm in a damn bloody confused state now.

i dont know what to do.
i dont know how to make u feel better.
i feel so useless.

1 week can only see u one time.
maybe twice.
dont even think we have the time to msg each other.

i'm scared

will a gap develop between us?
can we go through the coming one month?

i dont wanna lose u

2007-03-30T02:00:00.000+08:00

missing u badly

=(

gonna suffer more next time

2007-03-19T04:56:00.000+08:00

-happiness-

hehe <3333

you're my one and only.

2007-03-16T06:03:00.000+08:00

i neglected your feelings

sorry

but its for a good reason

you'll realize it sooner or later.

it breaks my heart to see u sick

recover fasterrr

=X

<3

2007-03-10T08:06:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm thinking too much again.

i cant help it

i'm having doubts:

are u not telling me stuffs again?

i know i have no time for u

u always say u dont mind, u understand

but i know that u care and u mind.

cos i'm the same.

i mind alot

zzz

2007-03-05T04:51:00.000+08:00

i made a stupid mistake again.

sorry.

2007-03-04T04:48:00.000+08:00

i dont know how long it'll take

but i'm sure i can make u trust me.

i'll do whatever i can.

<3 till eternity

2007-03-03T02:44:00.000+08:00

sorry

i'm too demanding.

i hope u dont read the previous post

i just want u to be happy, everything else doesnt matter.

sorry
sorry

2007-03-03T02:26:00.000+08:00

helpless

i dont know why i'm blogging again. maybe cos i have no one to talk to. i dont know.

i'm sorry

maybe i'm demanding too much from u
i know u have the tendency to keep everything to yourself
i knew
yet i'm not used to it

i hate guessing your thoughts
everytime a question is asked
u just smile and smile
i thought it didnt matter to me
i wanted to give u your right to keep to yourself

but

i

want

to

know

what

u

are

thinking.

sorry

i'm demanding.

i feel so idiot.

zz

2007-02-27T04:27:00.000+08:00

revival.

love ya <3

2006-11-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

storm's finally blew over.

i'm ok.

haha

2006-11-03T06:04:00.000+08:00

6am in the morning. didnt sleep throughout the night.

again.

the 3rd time.

i dont know whats happening to me. i need sleeping pills soon. zzz

2006-11-01T20:13:00.000+08:00

today was a long long day. i haven slept in 27hrs. not feeling tired yet. i'm god. hahaha

anyway, i've got a bad reputation in school lah. even teachers who dont teach me knows who i am. maybe cos i suck up too much or what. i'm not famous for being notorious. if u believe. =X

suffering from amnesia this few days. damn sux i tell u.

zzzzz

2006-10-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

school starting tml.

no more late sleeping and late waking up.
no more slacking at night and sleeping in the day.

i'll have to change my sleeping time again. zzz.

anyway, watched the guardian and death note. who haven't watch should go and watch. both are very nice.

can't find any reasons for me to be happy about tml's school reopening. well, maybe a good reason will be seeing long-time-no-see friends. thats it.

argh. i hope PSI goes up to 200. then continue holiday. lol

2006-10-13T02:54:00.000+08:00

watched possessed today.

its a crap movie lah. pls dont watch it.

2006-10-10T04:38:00.000+08:00

$5.50

hahaha

power

2006-10-07T06:47:00.000+08:00

been thinking alot this past days. dont know why.

why is it that people only treasure things only when they have lost it? maybe thats human mentality. when you have it, you tend to take it for granted that the particular thing/person will be with you always. you've simply forgotten how hard and painstakingly you've fought or done just to have that particular thing/person. when you've lost it, the memories of how you fought for the thing/person all resurfaced in your mind and remorseful starts growing in you.

cant people treasure what they have? everyday you hear complains from different people, about this about that about everything under the sun. and yes, it makes sense to you. you agree with the complainers. but what can you do? what can the complainers do? keep on complaining like an asshole?

once a cab driver told me. 20 years ago he had a friend who was driving taxi. he keeps complaining about the government, customers, traffic etc. he swore here and there that he doesnt want to drive a cab anymore. 20 years later he's still driving a cab, and everyday complain complain and complain. and still keep on driving the cab that he complains about. sounds contradicting right. you might think the cab driver is stupid or what. before you even think about that, think whether you've done the same thing before. definitely a yes.

why cant the cab driver think of his situation in another way? he could have compared himself to people living in those countries like India and Indonesia. isnt that better?

maybe thats human. they're nv satisfied with what they have. they ask for cars you give them. the next time they'll ask for a house. you give them a house the next time they'll ask for dont know whatever shit thats getting more and more expensive.

i'm not a philosopher or what. i'm just telling people how i feel. thats it.

2006-10-06T06:34:00.000+08:00

damn guilty.

nearly made 2 girls cry today. crap.

i'm sorry

2006-10-05T02:18:00.000+08:00

zz my tagboard got auto deleted again.

2nd time.

how i wished to be with you.
how i wished to see you everyday.
how i loved to hold you in my arms.

you'll never know.

never

2006-10-02T07:43:00.000+08:00

you're affecting my life.

2006-09-23T03:22:00.000+08:00

complains:

i need money money money.

crap.

everyday's just work and home and home and work. everyday wake up, go work, then go home.

its bad enough already.

imagine your sleep always kena disturbed by someone in the house shouting here and there like as if u weren't in the house. the 1st thing u wake up is the morning then kena pissed. what about the rest of the day? fuck chee bye

i dont like my life.
i wanna be carefree.
i want no burdens.

one more thing.

i need donations. i'm broke. my whole fortune left less than 20 bucks.
fuck i hate being poor.
i'm gonna be rich when i grow up in the future.
its not a swear or a promise,
its just what i wanna be.

ya still smoking. can someone pls control me and stop me from smoking. its taking away my life and money.

funny ah? i know the consequences yet still smoke.

on the other hand, whos knows? u may just be hit by a car the next day u cross a road or whatever.

will die = confirm die

no need avoid.
thats why i smoke.
to enjoy life.
haha

i'm so poetic.

2006-09-14T06:56:00.000+08:00

--------7am in the morning------

just reach home from chalet. past 2 days have been spent on the class chalet.

it was just much more fun than i expected. =X

First day:

first thing we reach the chalet was smoke, with my lecturer. shiok lah. haha. everyone seem so carefree and happy at the chalet. no exam stress, no restrictions. everyone was just themselves. thats what i love when going to chalets (except for those boring ones)

bbq was next.
didnt have to bbq any food =X

my beloved classmate was bbq-ing all the way. i guess they would appreciate me for finishing the food they bbq-ed. of course they would. lolz.

had fun with some of the lecturers. talk-cock sessions and no teacher-student relationship. it was just shiok to hear lecturers scolding vulgarities. hahaha. and also to scold them back.

played dai dee (big2) with a lecturer. lost money. damn fucked up. anyway its not the money that matters really. its the fun we nv had in school.

at night was just drinking and drinking with friends. nearly got knocked out but didnt. guess i could hold my liquor well =X went for a sleep and recovered.

ok i did some stupid stuffs alright. took a knife and threatened to kill people. lolz. i knew what i was doing ok (to people in my class who's reading this). heard from another friend that the rest of the class was so afriad of us cos they thought we were drunk. its like wth man. they just locked themselves in a room, afriad that we might do something to them. so crap. =X

went mahjong session till morning b4 going home for some sleep.

Second day:

went to the chalet. ok little food left. no choice so ordered mac. and it was just mahjong and mahjong all the way.

one more thing,

i did a good deed. helped a friend. haha. its really a GOOD deed. he's gonna be attached soon. =X

i hope.

anyway, chalet was fun. had some class-bonding. and disturbing people. shiok

ciaoz~

2006-09-11T04:53:00.000+08:00

some updates:

work was slack. spend my time slacking throughout. lolz.

gonna have a class chalet tml. hope it'll be a nice one. please dont let it be a bored and meaningless day.

well, same me. still smoking, still never serious, still etc. =X

i'm in a good mood.

yeah

i dont know how long
but i hope
forever
=)

2006-09-02T06:12:00.000+08:00

first day of work was damn hell tiring. i lost all my working stamina.

or maybe i got too sick of it.

repeating same things over and over again.

but

how i hope some things can be repeated again.
i know its impossible.
i dare not dream.
i dare not even think about it.

you're too good for me still.

i sux.

a useless stupid coward.

thats what i am.

2006-08-19T03:50:00.000+08:00

4am now. still awake.

went into friendster and looked through everyone's profile. seems like everyone is not what they are in the past.

yes people do change. its just a matter of changing to better or to worse.
simple and short.
what is worse and what is better.
think for yourself.
i'm in no position to comment about everything.

missed the old days during sec sch and during work. everything seems so carefree.
everyday is slacking.
never had to study hard yet i can passed all the tests and quizes.

missed the old times during work. work was never boring. jokes were being made often and everyone work to their hardest. outings were organised and everyone enjoyed them.

sound like a damn fucking compo.
maybe i study too much.
gone bonkers.

now,

every quiz must study or else sure fail
everyday is like a ship with no destination
you dont know what you are gonna do for that day and how to make times pass faster

never had to worry about financial stuffs
yet in poly i've to think about my financial status before doing anything
this sux
i hate being poor
i wanna be rich.

fuck

why the hell i started smoking i also dont know. what i know now is quitting seems impossible for me. yes ciggs ARE expensive. but no choice. i hate smoking.

come to think about it,

am i living a screwed up life or am i not living at all?

sorry for the crap.

i just wanna let everything out.

fuck the world

2006-08-17T16:04:00.000+08:00

et was a complete mess today.

imagine u study 3 or 4 days for the paper and you thought you were damn hell well prepared. in the end the paper was completely different from what u thought it was to be.

it was damn hell complete mess.

crap lah.

2006-08-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

stress.

my table now seems so messy. covered with notes and notes and notes. nothing else.

crap lah.

i hate exams when you've to stay up till late just to study for that stupid 1.5hours or 3hours. its damn hell not worth it.

but

bo bian.

we give face to marks, not we dont wanna fight against this kind of stupid system.

nvm i dont know what i typing also lol.

et sux.

2006-08-12T03:22:00.000+08:00

gonna sleep soon.

i'm so bored.

anyway, tons and tons of things waiting for me to do. report, quiz, term test, exams and whatever lah. i dont wanna take supp paper~ lol. anyway, pass will be a good grade for me this semester. well, i'm not ambitious. cos i nv go lecture. if i had gone, maybe i will aim for a B. but not this semester. its just not the right time.

mood swing happens to me just more and more often. i dont know why. it just pissed me off.

maybe its you.
or not.

i dont wanna think about you.
you are meaningless to me now.

fuck the world lah.

2006-08-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

revival of rotting blog.

just some updates before going to sleep.

around 1 week more to term test, 2 weeks more to main exam. then its slacking period.
not actually slack. work to be more exact. i'm broke, DAMN broke.

i wanna go sell backside to earn money. anyone interested? lolz.
this is what you call desperate. yup.

still the same me as usual. been trying to quit smoking, but, argh. forget it. no money yet continue smoking. ironic. anyway, indonesia cigg seems affordable for now. so still ok. lol.

1 more thing. for this ending semester, i've attended a total of around 5hrs++ lecture. power huh. and lucky me i cleared all my quizes. ok small small quiz got fail lah. but lecture quiz not yet. i dont want the first to come anyway.

i'm gonna start studying this weekend. i dont wanna take supp paper. i'm scared.

presentation tml.
i'm gonna screw up the presentation.
trust me.
i will.

hahahaha

10% only.

CDS somemore.

so.

fuck care.

swee.

lalala.

siao.

ciaoz

2006-07-27T20:11:00.000+08:00

i hate being sick.

zzzz.

2006-07-09T04:40:00.000+08:00

complains again.

screwed up life
fucked up me
selfish ass

i dont know why i'm typing all this shit out again.
looks like i've nv has anything good to share whenever thats a new post.
sorry to those who read my blog.
or maybe there isnt anyone who's reading my blog.
yes or no,
i dont care.
just wanna say these things to something or someone.

hate financial crisis
hate my arrogance
hate my cowardice
hate the useless me
hate my poor results
hate slacking

i wanna be those who thinks about studying all the time,
impossible.
i wanna be a smart ass who get high marks despite slacking all the time,
impossible.
i wanna get rich and spend money without second thoughts,
impossible.
i wanna lead a carefree life with nothing to worry (and i mean NOTHING),
forever impossible.

i guess everyone would love life if,

there's no worries,
there's no pain,
there's no sorrow,
there's no loneliness,
there's no sickness,

that would then be called life =)

maybe i'm wrong,
then prove it to me
maybe i think too much,
then tell me.

stupid things keep flashing across my mind,
or i think alot when i'm alone,
i dont know.

all the happy memories,
all the unhappy memories,
all the things-that-shouldnt-be-done memories,
all the lan gamings,
all the money spent,
all the food eaten,
all the depressed moments.

to end this post,

i LOVE life.

z

2006-07-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired. damn damn tired. eyelids became so heavy.

stressed out by projects. piles and piles of never-able-to-finish project waiting. and the regular skipping of lecture have worry me. when will i be able to sit in a lecture hall and listen for 1 or 2 hours.

i'm so stressed out

by you

2006-06-22T03:52:00.000+08:00

installing microsoft office now. taking so long sia. this kinda sux. i've to use it sooner or later. so i'm not complaining.

i dont like or never ever liked listening to complains.
but why so many people keep pouring theirs to me.

sound so ridiculous.

something is so wrong with my life. i dont know whats that. still figuring that out. but definitely something is wrong.

somebody can tell me whats wrong?

there's just something wrong.

crap

wtf am i typing.

2006-06-19T03:32:00.000+08:00

tired.

lying on the bed using computer can be so relaxing. 1st time in my entire life. ahh i am starting to enjoy this.

anyway,

going to a stupid field trip in exactly 9 hours. 3.30am now. damn lah not used to slping so early. sianz.

nothing to blog le. just came to say some crap. lalala

ciaoz

2006-06-13T03:24:00.000+08:00

work was ok today.

had fun working. tiredness came over me during last few hours. well maybe cos no stamina anymore.

heard alot of complaints and information. well, i'm gonna heck care.

and

i never dont want to contact u lah.

2006-06-12T03:34:00.000+08:00

argh. sianz.

gonna start work 12 hrs from now. 11.5 hrs to be exact.

sianz, sianz, sianz, sianz

gonna slp soon. ciaoz

2006-06-10T02:08:00.000+08:00

new skin.

new beginning.

and ok i know its a little extreme saying something like 'i wished i was dead'. anyway its just a skin. doesnt reflect what i think ok.

2006-06-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

new computer.

new beginning.

hehe

2006-06-07T13:02:00.000+08:00

back

3 paper passed. 2 more to go. 1 more day. 2 weeks break.

no more voice for me anymore. used up all of it. lol.

have been spending the past 3 days studying. nv felt so hardworking since this semester started. maybe its a good thing. but as the saying goes, 'good things dont last'. yup. does not last. after the term test its back to slack time again. or not. dont know. see how first.

seems like everyone leads a very good life to me. someway or another, jealousy starts creeping into my mind.

jealous of people having a happy family.
jealous of people who's rich and never had to worry about money.
jealous of people who are hardworking.
jealous of people who never need to study and still get damn good grades.
jealous of people who have everything.

jealous, jealous, jealous.

crap.

guess i possess nothing for people to be jealous about. yup nothing. nothing at all.
pathetic

now i finally understand what a blog is for.
its for you to pour out complains which you would never say to anybody nor anything.
you dont have to care about whoever is reading what you post.
if they bother, they just tag.
if they dont, then forget it.
at least you've said what you wanted to say.
at least you feel better.

and please.

i want my voice back.

2006-05-23T22:56:00.000+08:00

stress

fucked up

pek cek

tired

exhausted

its damn crap lah.

so many quizes and assignments. it just seems like time is never enough for me to do anything. ET haven start, UIR haven do, OSH dont know wtf happened to the pbl, ET quiz on thur, ICP quiz tml. nabei lah

just had my UO quiz today. quite ok. can pass i think. was quite relief when the quiz was over. but so many shit haven do. relax? dream on lah. the worst thing that can happen is next next week is the term test.

been so damn long since i'm feeling so stressed up. even when i'm having my exam last sem i didnt feel so stress and tired.

assignments seems like it can never be completed. quizes seems so many. term test seems so near. everything seems so wrong. just where's the problem? i studied hard for the quizes, yet it just seems to me that i understand nothing.

fuck lah stress lah

2006-05-18T02:17:00.000+08:00

damn tired now. been 19hrs since i last slept.

all because of a soccer match. argh fuck it.

i'm gonna skip school tml. all lectures. doesnt matter that much anyway. oh yeah. 4 quizzes next week. so good of temasek poly chemical engineering lecturers. they are really so damn good to squeeze 4 quizzes next week.

i'm super worn out from all the projects and tutorials weighing on my shoulders. it just seems like there are so so so many projects. and pbls. and the tutorials. crap. only did like 1 or 2 tutorial? lecture? forget it. i'm in desperate need of a tutor. yes i am struggling.

damn i'm missing you again.

been ages since i last saw or contacted you. like 3 months?

i dont know what i'm thinking now
i feel so pissed,
is it simply because i miss you
or there's more to it.
i dont know,
i really dont.

suddenly remembered the last time i talked to you.
u said something
but it just doesnt dance to my ear.
i just dont like it.
but wtf am i suppose to do?

scold you?

just forget it.

from today onwards you're out of my mind.
i wanna forget about you totally.

girls

are

troubles.

zzz

been thinking about my life. looks so rotten to me. why am i smoking? why am i struggling? just where's the problem? my life's just a black and white paper. picked up from a rubbish dump. smelly, rotten, fucked up.

wtf am i saying again. why am i saying all this again.

tired.

2006-05-07T01:44:00.000+08:00

had a nice time today.

went to airport to study, of course with frenz. and we DID study a little, no choice but to catch up on the things we missed. which literally means every subject. studying halfway through when we started playing cards. oh and well, studying session ended there. studied for 2hr? quite a good achievement already lah.

caught a movie after that - mission impossible III. rock man i tell u. lol. definitely worth your $9.50.

planned to have my dinner outside. but, too broke. and i mean i'm darn broke now. how i wish i had a money printing machine in my house. that would be shiok. nv have to worry about my financial status. people say that dreams are opposite of reality. now then i fully understand what it means. money's just too important in the present society.

a word of advice:

please just keep your comments to yourself unless it's absolutely necessary to speak up. speaking without thinking makes you a mother fucker hated by tons of people. especially when somebody is doing something.

its damn bloody rude to comment about some things. like for example when people are playing game and you are waiting for your turn. you can bloody look, but please do not keep mumbling behind the person's back. if u cannot control your rotten mouth then make sure the person in front doesnt hears what u say.

loads of crap coming out again. i dont know why, it just piss me off. fuck

wanted to blog earlier actually. but stomach started to grumble even before i started typing. cook 2 packets of mee and i'm still hungry. fuck. i'm a pig.

guess i'll cook 2 more packet.

off to cook again. ciaos

2006-05-04T18:52:00.000+08:00

sudden urge to blog. yet had problems logging in. dampens my mood. now no more mood to blog. zzzzzz.

anyway, there's a big problem since school started. this is the 2nd week and i've only attended 1 full hour of lecture. dont get it? simply put it, i've skipped all the lectures for this 2 weeks, except for 1 pathetic hour. and it was a poker session at the back of the LT. lol wtf.

and as you guessed, tutorial session was tedious. cos unable to understand what the lecturer is talking. damn it. zzz

and if u wonder what was i doing which made me skipped lecture, well, thats dota. and cards of course. lol.

i missed the me in semester 1, who didnt skip any lecture at all. zzz.

have you ever found it amusing that people always prefer the past than present. everytime if there's change in a environment, people tend to say, 'in the past...blah blah blah..' or 'last time things werent like that' . seldom u hear people say, 'this is better than last time..blah blah blah'.

maybe thats human.

ran into something unpleasant today on the bus trip home. pissed me off. would have whacked them if they werent gals. fuck

update some other time. bb

2006-04-24T00:06:00.000+08:00

school's starting tml, nope, today, argh whatever.

it just sux to think that tml i'll have to go back to school again. it just sux lah. no more freedom, great shit.

anyway, timetable for this coming semester looks not bad. alternate long weekends. means friday dont need to go school on alternate weeks. SHIOK. =X

oh and cheers for my cds, cos got into the same class as my frenz. lol.

sad case is, monday to thursday have to wake up early. its just what the fuck sia. nabei i would damn hella miss my sleeping time.

achieved something which i've not done for long long time. well, i havent smoke for like 5days? lol lame. lets hope my 'non-smoking marathon' continues for some time. (which i think it would never be)

sianz.

2006-04-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

updates:

5 more days to school. back to sitting in lecture halls and classroom. no more staying up till morning and sleeping till evening. everything no more.

a new semester means a new chapter in life. who knows whats gonna happen this coming semester? lets hope everything goes smoothly and before long, it would be holiday again. lets hope so.

argh it just irritates me to think that i've to wake up early in the morning from next week onwards. just a piece of shit. rjkngjdnhjndhd

nothing much to blog about anyway, oh yeah, i am a little sick. thats what i'm suppose to blog about. nvm forget it.

take care everyone

2006-03-21T05:14:00.000+08:00

just a little fed up about some things.

first, do my face look like 'i'm a saint! tell me your troubles and i'll solve it for you!'?

i think so

lame, act cute, whatever u call it. it's just whats happening to me, or should i say had happened to me.

what can i do? thats what frenz are for. (heard this from dont know how many people)

what are frenz?

a simple definition would be, they are people whom you know.

but

have you ever thought of frenz as this way, that frenz are people who come to you in times of trouble. and i mean ONLY in times of trouble, such as when they are feeling down, borrowing money from you, when they are bored and have nothing to do, when they need someone to listen to their complains and whines, etc.

the above may not apply to everyone, but its damn true to me. (of course not every frenz of mine lah)

have you really spend time thinking about when was the last time any of your fren called you when they are enjoying their day and tell you, "Hey I'm feeling so happy!"

ok i know it sounds super lame, but, friendship isnt just helping when in times of trouble, isnt it?can you imagine one day when your phone rings or receives an sms, before you even pick up or read the sms, you start to consider ignoring your phone, simply because you saw the phonecall or sms is from your 'friend'.

like for example, you are online in msn and surfing the net or whatsoever. suddenly your long-time-no-chat friend comes and chat with you. less than 1 min later he wants to borrow money from you. and you fucking feel like cursing and swearing at the world.

shouldnt friendship include some good things like, treat your frenz to dinner when u tio 4D, etc. =X

can someone tell me does this happen to everyone? or is it just me?

if it's just me, why? why me? cos i look like a moron or a bitch?

am i just thinking too much into it or these are facts which i've written? i really dont wish for the day where i hate to hear any sms or phone calls. i really really dont.

can someone teach and enlighten me?

please let me have a change of my opinion towards friends. please.

and oh yeah, i passed all my subjects for this semester. cheers.

fuck the world

2006-03-01T14:28:00.000+08:00

i am back

went back to work few days ago. not bad ah, quite fun still. met up with long time no see frenz, had a fun time making fun of people. lol.

hahahahaha

yet again, life seems so boring.

no social life, everyday is just home and work. what to do, i'm just a poor little boy.

ever wondered if this world were unfair?
ever been envious of a person whom u strive to be?
ever hoped you could be the center of attraction rather than sitting in a cold dark corner when people are having fun?
ever wished that you could lead a life free of worries and pain?
ever wanted that your other half could be with you all the while?

i guess all these questions appeared in your mind before. at least once ok. and the feeling sux whenever u start to think about this kind of things. so next time, before you start to think about these questions, ask yourself, what do other people want that is in you?

like for example, if you are one fellow who is damn hella good at consoling people, people would be damn envious of you. why? because they cant do it and u can.

seems easy to say these kind of things ah. may seem hard, but at least try. it makes your life more interesting and fun. rather than spending time being envious, why dont you spend time enjoying and have fun with your peeps. thats better,

someone told me this, 'being sad is so hard'.

well, it all depends. it may not seem obvious, but being sad is part of growing up. and from there u learn to look at things from different perspective, instead of being a small little boy who just wants his stuffs.

enough crap. bb

2006-02-26T03:22:00.000+08:00

went for a chalet yesterday.

was a little boring yet fun cos i met up with long-time-no-see frenz. haha. spend most of my time bbq-ing for others. what to do, so many unknown faces like waiting for people to bbq for them. i helped them and ended up smelling like a big charcoal. zzz

nvm.

someone told me at the chalet that, 'wah everyone come as couple' . well that person who said this sentence didnt mean to say me(and in case u r wondering, yes i went alone, no gf only frenz). that sentence hit me like a jackpot. and it reminds me of everything again.

i really really dont wanna think of you again. it makes me feel so fucked up and so loser.

2006-02-20T16:10:00.000+08:00

changed my blogskin again. looks not bad ah.

byebye

2006-02-18T02:57:00.000+08:00

feel like scolding the world upside down again. yes bad mood. fuck

sitting in front of my computer when i suddenly felt like scolding every things created in the world. damn bloody wtf chee bye. everything seem so nice to others but not me. maybe i shouldnt be such a pessimist. maybe i shouldnt be so obstinate and listen to others. and maybe by doing all that this post would not be here.

let me list an example of my stupidity and obstinate-ness

on the 10th feb, a stupid guy called lim chye peng arrived in school 8.50am to attend his tutorial class. as usual he went into the class and sign the attendance book for all his frenz. the lecturer wanted to step power and asked who did it. and so he admitted and the teacher shut up. a fren of his were late and called lim chye peng. little did he know that lim chye peng did not put silent mode due to his forgetfulness. so the phone rang like nobopdy business and the teacher showed the stupid face. lim chye peng answered the call, and immediately after putting down the phone the teacher wasnted to confiscate his phone for 1 week. ONE WEEK (like one mother fucking sec sch student rite). as usual lim chye peng argued and stormed out of the tutorial class straight in the teachers face. a week later, he was told to see the directors of the school and the worst punishment he could get was to repeat the semester and waste another $1000+ . and so he went in to see the directors. he was scolded like 1 mother fucker and could do nothing except to say sorry. luckily everything turned out fine and he only got a warning letter from the school.

i swear nv to be rude to teachers anymore. =X

and the above incident was 100% not my fault in one way or another. but yet i have to take all the responsibility. all because i am just a STUDENT challenging a TEACHER. so whats the big fuck about teachers. students in 'I Not Stupid Too' whack the shit out of their teachers. so why cant reality match the movie. argh crap

exam in 3 days time. scary. taking supp paper for sure.

and my brother just finished his poly, which literally means he never needs to study anymore. arghhhhhhhhhhhhh when is my turn to be like him? 2 more years? fuck it

ruhgurhgoubgnrngljnrgoibgrubgrhbrnhnjlnih

2006-01-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

wtf happened to my chatterbox?

nabei it got deleted all of a sudden. zzz.

anyway blogging again here. too lazy to come and blog, and oh yes nobody would notice it anyway. just updating for the sake of updating. lalala

oh yeah i failed 1 of my term test. wtffffffffffffffff. doesnt really matter anyway. 60% of the whole course failed. damn i suk

1 more month to sem exam. 1 more month to holiday. and yet i am still slacking here and there. skipping lecture almost every week. copy and copy my tutorial homework. fuck i miss my hardworking self. where have you gone to?please come back. i need you for my sem exam. argh

ending here then. blogger damn fucking lagggg now. stupid blogger ass. dfk.hgukfdhk

2005-12-28T13:57:00.000+08:00

i dont know why

memories of you keep flashing back in my mind, again.

fuck the world lah.

nabei

2005-12-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

10/12/05

sitting in front of the computer and doing nothing even though there's a 1500 word assignment waiting to be completed. feeling more sian than ever, he begins to ponder about the things that happen to him recently.

the most fucking problem - studies. 3 quizes in 2 weeks nearly caused him to break down mentally. the thought of having 1 more quiz next week makes him even more frustrated than ever. the thought of having the term test in 2 weeks make him hope that he could just bang his head on the wall and end up like an idiot, and marry some chio bu or mermaid as shown in tong xin yuan.

next, money again. ZZZ. he's been spending money like tapwater although he feels a wrench in his heart everytime he withdraws money. he wanted so much to go back to work and earn some money, yet he cant cos there's so many incomplete assignments piling up. tutorials and presentations. how fuck can this world get.

and the reason for his troubles is just his laziness. it's just tml and tml whenever it comes to doing assignments and tutorials. all he does nowadays is just copy and copy which never seem to happen to him when he was in semester 1. whats worst of all is that he's the class rep and was told to lead by example. ni nabei .

2 more yrs to go in poly. arghhhhhhhhhhh

2005-12-04T01:46:00.000+08:00

updating even though i'm so damn fucking tired. dont know why, just feel like updating a little.

1st, the same thing over and over again. loads and loads of assignments piling up. and the worst thing in the whole world is laziness. everything is just 'tomorrow' and 'next week'.

exhaustion - thats the word which i think of whenever i reach home from school. who ever say that poly life was relaxing?who said being in a poly/campus is cool and slack?

kdfbjhgdljhgljssnhgslglshglhrg

useless shit i am. zzz

2005-11-19T00:05:00.000+08:00

i dont know why

i'm thinking of you again,
reminded of memories of you again.

kanninabei chao chee bye.

fuck myself for being an idiot.

fuck everything

2005-11-16T16:35:00.000+08:00

haven been touching my com for like 5 days. zzz. thx to school. i hate school.

school suk man. sound like a idiotic 14yrs old child who complain about this and that. but it sux truly alright. only the second week of the new semester and i'm starting to feel the stress and tiredness. haiz.

got like 2 assignments on hand. gonna get stressed out soon.

bad start for my sem. everyday is school and home. studies and studies. hard to catch a breather anywhere.

sianz

2005-11-09T01:42:00.000+08:00

school has finally reopened! not that i'm looking forward to it, it's just a casual remark. 2 months holiday seems long? well, not really. seems so short. can i have another 2 more months? =X

1st week in school wasnt really fun. met some proud teachers, damn pissed off with them alright. but there's nothing i can do, my future depends on them. zzzz.

went for my first cds, sound like a kuku, but yes its my first. there's always a first time for everything. laugh if u like, i dont give a damn. anyway, was like 10mins late for my lecture. actually wasnt supposed to be late, but thx to the size of the engineering school i had to walk from one end to the other end. and when i finally reached the lt, i was like i had just completed a 100m sprint. tired like hell man fuck.

well, opened the lt door and wtf? the lt was full alright, and that stupid lecturer, leesb, had already started teaching. had no choice then but to sit next to the door and hide behind the wall. didnt dare to show my face to the lecturer. lol

and it ended up wasting 1hr of my precious time. yes she might have taught something useful. but, how are you able to understand when firstly, there's no lecture notes in front of you when others have got it. secondly, in front of your eyes is just a white wall, and you can do is to listen hard to watever the lecturer is saying. which i only make out 1 out of 10 sentences.

dont you find it ridiculous that, you paid around 1k for 1 semester which is about 3 months, and yet, YET, the lecturers are telling you about copyright stuffs. which in short means go print your own notes. oh and what the hell happened to my 1k?

not that i'm trying to be funny here. and the worst thing is you've to buy a book which has no relevance to your 3 years of course of studies at all, but only for your cds which is about 3 months. and the book costs $30? nabei

the bottomline is money again. money and more money.

damn broke now alright. guess i've to ask for a pivate company to sponsor my studies. and not forgetting my daily expenses (which include a packet of cigarettes)

=X

argh i've got to quit smoking soon. too costly for me now. maybe when i am richer, or when some companies agreed to sponsor me. i would love that. dont really mind if its just a small company or wat. just give me money and i'll ignore everything. =X

maybe i sound too money-minded. but who dont want money? haha

ending here then ciaoz

2005-10-27T14:34:00.000+08:00

went back to school yesterday for the PBL thing

well

realised that i've a hard semester in front of me. and i mean hard. and my damn timetable is so packed from monday to friday, guess i dont even have the time to come online anymore. zzz

anyway enjoyed myself yesterday though. had a fun time with my so-long-haven-meet-up friends. wanted to jia bo, but got caught by our CP. wth rite?and she fucking called my phone to scold me. so much like a bitch.

and my fucking CP has decided to make me the class rep this sem. and she's gonna regret it more than any other things. damn stupid i tell you. ok she already knows i'm that kind who play and joke around, and she wants me to be the class rep?know whats her reason? "i want you to take up this responsibility" .

so whats this responsibility?

take notes for my class and pass to them,
organize some extra lessons,
blah blah blah

this coming sem my class can forget about getting any notes from me LOL. do i look like the kind who will go to the ultrasupplies everyday to ask for notes?zzz lame sia. oh extra lessons?pls..once again do i look like the sort who would want extra lessons?

forget it, lets see how my class is going to suffer with me as the class rep.

FUCK

2005-10-21T03:05:00.000+08:00

do you know,

how much i wanted to contact you yet i didnt have the courage
how much i missed you when i didnt even seen you for about a month
how long i've waited since i last saw your sms in my phone
how much pain i've gone through just to ignore you
how much i hoped to be your friend again
how much i wanted to chat happily on the phone with you

and do you know that i was so happy to receive your msg today?

you dont know.

you thought i ignored you for nothing
you thought i didnt feel a shit when i send those hurtful sms to you

and in your mind, you just fucking thought that you are the one feeling unhappy about this

please, wake up your idea can?

do you ever realize you've that someone to talk to and get consoled when you are down,
do you ever realize there's a him who's always ready to shower you with all his love
and
i've had none of that?

all i've is just sticks and sticks of cold and unfeeling cigarettes,
producing stinky and health-threatening smoke
going into my lungs and coming out again
leaving tar and nicotine sticking onto my lungs

now who's the pathetic one?

2005-10-16T14:21:00.000+08:00

i dont know

you came to confront me
asked me so many question,
yet i could answer none
i just kept quiet throughout
and your questions were like needles
so fast and accurately striking at my heart
its the first time i've ever seen you like this
so fierce and determined to get an answer
how i wished i could say the three words
but the results wouldnt change

you asked so many whys and whys
how i wished i could answer them
i dont even know the answer to the questions myself
i dont know why i ignore you in the first place
i dont understand why i didnt contact you anymore

sent you a msg yesterday
yet you did not reply

just what you fucking want?
you want me to knee down before you and ask for your forgiveness?
or you want me to die?

can you just say what you want?

nabei
chee bye

2005-10-10T13:37:00.000+08:00

haven been updating for like 1 week?nvm updating now

work was tiring alright. sometimes its just best to keep a low profile, or else the one getting punishment would be none other than yourself. got a little pissed off with some customers, dont wanna talk about them anyway. they suk

had a hard time getting you out of my mind,
yes i've succeeded at last
no longer thinking about you anymore
though you come to my mind occasionally
it doesnt matter
at least i dont feel vexed when i think about you

i'm at a loss at how to carry on from here
should i contact you as a friend?
i'm in a dilemma
i am hoping to be your friend again
yet
i am afraid of repeating history again
i cant take it anymore
i dont wanna have the second time

i hate knowing you
i hate you